I feel privileged to live in a world where, if you miss a movie being in theaters, the odds are that it’ll be available via streaming in a matter of weeks.

When Bullet Train came out, it looked like the kind of movie that’s fun in a theater: snappy dialogue, creative editing, and the kind of movie where anything can happen at pretty much any moment, so it keeps you on your toes. I’ve gotta say that all in all, it delivered on all the above—and it wasn’t bad seeing it from my living room couch either.

Plot!

Code name Ladybug (Brad Pitt) is some sort of contract agent who has been hired to do a “snatch and grab” aboard a Japanese bullet train. His only job is to grab a briefcase and exit the train after one stop. Unbeknownst to him, however, is that there are a number of other contract agents aboard the train, who have been hired to execute a similar mission. Discovering new enemies every step of the way, and comically plagued with what he defines as “bad luck,” Ladybug needs to find creative ways to try and accomplish his mission—and maybe even find some allies along the way.

Obviously, Brad Pitt is now tailor-made for these types of roles. We saw him play a very similar role last year as a cameo in The Lost City (which I thought was pretty cute, btw!), and in Bullet Train, he gets to give it a full go. His ability to be self-deprecating and comical is pretty spot-on, and as a sheepish criminal, the role works pretty damn well. Ladybug is also returning from Japan after what seem to be attempts on finding inner peace, and his zen mindset keeps interfering with his job.

It also must be said that the ensemble cast in this is pretty damn good. Running parallel to the adventures of Ladybug, we learn about the other contract hires, who they are and why they’re there. Most prominent are “The Twins,” Lemon and Tangerine, played by a hilarious Bryan Tyree Henry (with an impressive British accent) and Aaron Taylor-Johnson. We also bump into code names Prince (played by Joey King), The Wolf (played by Bad Bunny!), Kimura (played by Andrew Koji), and a bunch of others. While the majority of them are after the same briefcase as Ladybug, we also end up learning that a lot of their actions revolve around a character called The White Death, which I will refrain from getting into here.

If I have any qualms about the movie it would probably be that it’s a little long. Action movies sit better when they’re shorter, I’m sorry. Character development is not at the center for most action movies, and while the pacing of Bullet Train does its best, they started to lose my attention span a bit by the end. In a way, they paint themselves into a bit of a corner, since so many minute things throughout the movie end up having major, and often dire, consequences for our contract hires. As a result, they need to follow through with every small thing that they decide to zero in on. And it’s not that it doesn’t play out in a way that makes sense, they just probably should’ve killed a few darlings to cut down on length time.

It also must be said that I thought The White Death was miscast. When the whole entire movie you’re getting tidbits about how ruthless and strong and crazy he is. And I’m sorry, but when I think of a Russian thug who fits this description, the first person on my mind isn’t gonna be Michael Shannon.

Another thing that always bothers me a little (but which plays for realistic-ness) is the gore in any film involving assassins or contract criminals. If you’re squeamish, it might be worth evaluating how much you wanna see this one. They play all violence as pretty fast (and even funny, when they can get away with it), but it’s still pretty graphic.

All in all, Bullet Train is a hoot. Fun to see a lot of serious actors have some fun, and satisfying to see a movie with so many moving parts deliver on pretty much all of them.

7.5 outa 10!